What is Trauma? And, what isn’t it?
Written by an actual trauma therapist in Baltimore, MD.
“Trauma” is such a hot-button word these days. Sometimes, it seems like everything is trauma.
“That violent scene in the show was so traumatizing to me!”
“Trigger warning! Don’t talk about (fill in the blank topic), it’ll traumatize me.”
And yet, I see denial of people’s very real traumas every day. Denial of how they have been deeply wounded and the impacts the wounds have left.
Here’s a little info about what trauma is, and is not. Credit to the great Gabor Mate, M.D., and his book The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture for his research and easy-to-grasp portrayal of the topic; the words below are mine.
To start, trauma is (almost always) not the violent scenes in shows you watch or the discussions you hear about uncomfortable, stressful, and yes, violent topics. Why? Because typically, consuming those things doesn’t change your system, or the way your mind and body function, long-term.
You may develop a fear of something. You may become anxious and stressed about the topic. You may even be activated if you’ve had past trauma and you’re reminded about it. The activation can be hard, scary, and feel retraumatizing. However, it is not a new experience that your body is adjusting to. It’s a reminder of an experience that re-activates the trauma responses already in your body.
The word “trauma” actually means wound. Think of trauma as the wound in your body because of a bad, or series of bad, events. It is the change within you.
We all know and accept the “Capital T” Traumas: war, abuse, neglect, natural disasters, violence, racism, poverty, etc. We can see those as life-altering events that have the capacity to drastically change the way we think, act, and feel. It makes sense to use that those who were abused as children, for instance, would struggle to love and accept themselves as adults.
Harder, though, is the acceptance of the “lowercase t” traumas. Almost all of us have experienced these to a degree.
The times when we were bullied at school, so we put up defenses, even as adults, to protect that part of us that was criticized and hurt.
When we felt rejected by our parents for who we were, maybe receiving the message that we were “too much” or “not enough,” so we continue to pretend to be someone else to fit in, denying our authentic beautiful selves.
When we were made to watch what we eat because it wasn’t acceptable to be anything but skinny, even as a kid, so now, we obsessively binge, purge, restrict, over-exercise, count calories, and/or criticize our bodies.
While not as widely accepted, these are traumas, too. Because they have wounded us, changed us, impacted the ways in which our brain and body work and respond to life going on around us.
I’ll continue to write about this. To explore the effects of trauma, how to recognize its symptoms, and how we can start to heal the deep-seated wounds.
Because there is hope. There is healing. Change is possible. And you can start to feel more like yourself again.
